A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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