Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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