I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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