Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
There's a naked man in my car right now.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
