Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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