We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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