Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I wish i was in the wii world.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
