I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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