the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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