there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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