There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
