Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
