If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
