I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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