And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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