my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
