Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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