Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize