Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
