Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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