Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
