this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
