my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
