I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize