i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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