I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
