hell yes lets make some ravioli
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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