Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize