I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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