also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
