We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
