I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
