i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize