she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
