i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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