how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
