pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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