new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
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