it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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