my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize