what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Terrible idea I love it
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
