i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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