We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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