I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
