not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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