I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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