Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
