His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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