just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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