I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
