i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
In America we eat man semen.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
