a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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