If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
