yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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