My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize