so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
