This house was built for laser tag.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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