mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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