I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
