Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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