my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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