Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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