your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Can you bring me the toilet please
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
