I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
