She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
