dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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