I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize