If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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