Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Can you bring me the toilet please
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
