I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize