He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
