My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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