I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
