Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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